I knew it was 3:00 in the morning back home but I didn’t care.
“Hello?” my dad answered groggily.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” I yelled.
I had started crying again.
“Sawyer?” he asked.
“Why didn’t you tell me about my mother?” My voice was shaky but stern.
My dad was silent on the other line. I heard him rustling about. It was about a minute before he finally spoke.
“I’m sorry Sawyer. The doctors said to let you remember that one on your own. They said if we told you, you might freak out and get depressed.” His voice was shaky too.
Silence again, but this time on my side.
“What happened to her..” it was barely a whisper that escaped me.
I heard him inhale slowly, and then he was sniffling. He was crying.
“When we lived in Russia I met your mom.” My dad began. For the first time in a long time I heard the tiniest bit of his Russian accent. “We had been dating for 2 years when we decided to get married. Shortly after, Jay came along. A beautiful baby boy.”
His voice was even shakier now. “Three years later and you were born. Now we had a beautiful baby girl. We couldn’t have been happier.” By this time he was crying harder. “It was 4 years later when she died. She-she went out one night. She called around 10 to let me know she was coming home. I told her I’d wait up. I was up till 12:30 still waiting for her. By 11:30 I started to think something was wrong, but now at 12:30 I knew for sure something was wrong.”
“I got a call a little after 12:30 from the police. She had been in a hit on collision. Her engine had caught fire but she had gotten out. But the car had exploded, sending her flying. She died when her head hit the pavement.”
I covered my mouth with my hands, remembering the dream I had. We were both silent except the sobs that escaped us.
“I’m so sorry baby girl.”
I fingered the necklace around my neck.
“She gave me this necklace didn’t she?”
“Yes she did.”
“What was her name..” I asked finally.
“Maria.” He whispered.
The conversation ended a bit after that. Both of us weren’t really able to continue talking. I didn’t stop crying.
I was in the bathroom trying to calm down, washing my face, when someone knocked on my door.
Niall was not really what I needed right now. I heard him trying the door handle. Shit. I had left that unlocked. He walked in saying my name again.
“I heard yelling are you okay?” he was in the room now.
“Babe? Why are you crying?” he asked as he reached the door frame of the bathroom.
I kept my eyes down. I clutched the side of the sink as a tear fell.
“Sawyer. Sawyer look at me.”
I did so reluctantly, slowly looking up to stare at him through the mirror.
Once again, the tears streamed down my face. I pushed past Niall and walked into the room. He grabbed my wrist and spun me around. He held me in his arms as I cried.
“I-I remembered my mom had died when I was little. I called my dad and he told me everything.” I sobbed into his shirt.
I was crying my hardest, loudest and ugliest and I didn’t care that he was witnessing it. I had my one arm looped around his neck, my face in his shoulder, and the other hand curled about near my face. He stroked my hair gently.
“Shh. It’s okay.” He whispered.
“I hate this Niall. I hate this so much.” I whispered through the tears.
He squeezed me tighter. “I know you do love.”